To ponder upon…

Enough normalcy trickled in and out of my life the last six days, that I actually had time to think. To ponder upon whatever aspect of life needed my pondering upon.

Let me borrow from my African preacher friends: after meandering in the maze of mediocrity for so long, one of my pit stops was to ponder at the pool of popularity.

So I might have taken that famous sermon quote slightly out of context, but I did not do my pondering by the largest pool in the world (which happens to be in Chile). No, I did it by the pool of popularity. Should you ever find yourself in an audience with a speaker advocating these words audaciously, do not attempt to answer with your own articulate alliteration; simply applaud in astonishment.

After spending two entire days in my bed to avoid having more seizures, I emerged from my sheets of terror to enjoy a few of my favorite things. Which happen to be music. Popular music. For some.

Pondered upon Point #1 ~ I really admire talented musicians such as Owl City  and Lights. I wish I could make music as well as they do, and I wish I got to live their lifestyle of studio recording and touring. It’d be cool to be so good at what you do that you are actually quite popular for it.

My preoccupation with myself ended quite abruptly the next day as normalcy trickled back on out: all my fiendish computer stalking left my brain too stimulated to do much else but read if I wanted to avoid the ever-dreaded seizure-a common foe these days. So read I did.

Pondered upon Point #2 ~ I seriously have a messed up taste of interests. Please compare my musical pursuits to this short snippet of a book I’m currently reading, First Pulse: “This is an exciting report because carbonic anyhydrase converts carbon dioxide to the liquid soluble carbonic acid. This would empty the gas ports and allow oxygen to flood in. So this deficiency in tumors would allow carbon dioxide gas to keep out oxygen. This sounds like a primary malignant deficiency and explains the Warburg defect in colo-rectal tumors.

I’m a total nerd. The book is about cancer research done by a chemist! Maybe it’s so fascinating because I totally forgot there even was a periodic table of elements until last week. He used Mendeleev’s.

Pondered upon Point #3 ~What was the difference between my intense focus on music entertainment and dreams of fame early last week, and my intense focus on Christ and dwelling on/promoting His Second Coming the week before??

Seriously?!?? What changed in those few days?

And what makes the  difference between these two kinds of people I inconspicuously snapped photos of in the Chicago airport? Okay, so I didn’t actually take the second picture, and I’m pretty sure she’s not reading a bible. I think its a google-pulled image of a girl doing homework. The only person  I’ve ever seen reading a bible in an airport was this old lady in Salt Lake City. Go figure. I failed to snap a photo.

My point in taking the top picture, however, was to capture how completely consumed everyone was with some various form of entertainment. Total distraction for all it was worth. People magazine. The sports game on TV. Some book about a dragon vampire boy. iPods. iPads. Makeup. Trying to make sure no one sees you snap their photo.

And now I know it. The difference, that is. It’s simple, really, and can be surmised in one word. The difference between myself over those few days and the people in the airport: need. The majority of us have easy-going, fun-filled, super-busy lives. Distracting lives. Lives that have no need or room for a Savior. The second my life took a “What About Bob-sized” baby step towards the normal/fun section, my priority antennas tuned out my desperate need of a Savior and tuned in on myself.

Even though I’d been listening to Lights, I’d forgotten her song, I need a Saviour.

Fortunately I stumbled across this vital realization in time. Just in time for when the normalcy would trickle completely out. Just in time to make room for yet another unexpected, scary, and confidence-dashing seizure to end my Friday evening with a bang.

If it weren’t for my incredible, God-fearing, and simply courageous wife, I think these seizures would kill me. But they don’t, and so I’d like to end this post with a letter I stole from her facebook that she sent to a friend.“We all have our trials…just in different forms. I’m not going to lie….the past year and a half have been extremely difficult yet at the same time uplifting in that I have been able to experience a more intimate relationship with God.

There have been many times when I think….God why me? Why us? Look at all of our friends…they don’t have problems like this…they are all living blissfully happy and content lives…not too many problems. I look at friends’ pictures and dream of having a normal life. Free of cancer…free of worry and troubles.

I have found that I have wasted a lot of energy and time grieving about my problems and feeling sorry for myself. I wonder why God has put me in this place where I am at. But God has shown me through my trials to have complete trust and faith in Him. I have realized that we don’t understand why something that we consider bad is happening to us…but we must keep our faith and trust in God. He only wants the best for us and He WILL be right beside us all of the way.”

Need I say any more? I’m pretty pleased to have such a profound ponderer as my partner.

*I also stole this picture from my wife. I found it on the coffee table this morning, ripped out of a magazine…

and it broke my heart. I’ll be there soon, babe. “Stand firm in the faith. Be strong and of courage.” 1 Corinthians 16:13


8 Responses to “To ponder upon…”

  1. Vivian Raitz Says:

    It’s so beautiful and inspiring, Daniel and Logan. Thank you for sharing!

    vivian raitz (in Dalton, GA)

  2. Jennifer Says:

    Thinking of you & praying for you.

  3. Daniel, I think your blogs are amazing. Thank you for your words and what you share. I hope in times of trial I could have a faith equally as strong.

  4. allison harper Says:

    I Loved this post,Daniel….I think you nailed it when you spoke of how distracted we so easily become from recognizing our need for a Saviour. And I loved Logan’s letter to her friend. All of it resonates with me an matches my own experience these past almost four years. Mom’s feel deeply the pain their children go through. Much love….

  5. Don Keele Jr Says:

    Once again you and Logan demonstrate why God put you together. The sum of you two together is greater for God than you would have been by yourself. You inspire, not only each other, but the rest of us who journey with you. You both have become two of my heroes in the faith.

    I know it is a tough haul. I know you long for normalcy and the ability to just enjoy a month without seizures. And that day will come. But you are right…the trade-off is that it becomes very easy to forget your need of a Savior. Kudos for your powerfully proficient ponderings and grace and peace to you and your lovely bride.

    Much love and prayers,
    Pastor Don

  6. Jamie Miller Says:

    Good Afternoon Daniel and Logan,
    You don’t know me, but I am friends with your brother-in-law, Tyler Blackwelder. We worked at summer camp together many moons ago. We continue to be friends on facebook.
    I saw his post for prayers for you, Daniel, earlier this afternoon. I prayed for you and made a short post.
    He then directed me to your blog. After reading just a little bit of your blog, my face is completely wet from crying. My heart has been moved by both of your words. I feel like I’ve met you. I’ve been praying at length for you this afternoon. I’ve been sooooo encouraged by your blog. Thank you for sharing your passion for Christ with me.
    Please know that I am praying for you, my co-workers, and students will be joining me tomorrow to lift you to the King. Please share specifics of what you would like us to pray for. Right now, I am praying for the Lord’s will in your life, for moments that are pain free, for you to be surrounded by family and friends, for strength for you Logan. Keep letting Jesus carry you!! Your praying friend, Jamie Miller

  7. this one ripped my heart out…Logan your letter he stole and published on the WWW is so inspiring, though im sure you had no intentions of sharing it w/everyone. and that pic at the end…you will have that dream come true, only it will be so much more than you ever dreamed. His time is near, He is coming again soon!

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