Insane Control….

“…My sanity was restored. Then I praised the Most High; I honored and glorified him who lives forever.” -Daniel 4:34 Please note: I’m on 3 max doses of epilepsy drugs right now to try and control seizures, a side effect of dead tumor tissue. Therefore, I’m not completely normal right now. Please forgive the lack of cleverness in this post. I  can’t think straight and hope to be normal for next week’s post.

Three weeks ago I went totally insane. After almost fainting three days in a row I laid down on my bed,  had a borderline hallucination, almost blacked out,  and called my father because I was completely convinced a demon had just tried to enter me. My wife left work early when my close-calls with fainting continued and my difficulty with breathing began.

We left for Las Vegas the next day. My insurance only pays for coverage there, and while I had a flight lined up for an MRI trip a few days later, my wife knew my health was failing and moving my MRI 4 days forward was a good idea. As we dropped in elevation my breathing normalized out, but my neurological state did not. I cried in every gas station stop on the way there, because I JUST KNEW I was going to die in Las Vegas. For what reason, I can’t presently recall. I just remember all the tears….like I said: I was totally insane.

Thet MRI confirmed my biofeedback testing two weeks prior: no tumor growth or swelling. However, I was put on oxygen in the imaging facility after they injected me with gadolinium (contrast die) because I could barely breathe afterwards. Logan rushed me to an ER where 6 hours of waiting, a couple of tests, and an ER doc told me I was totally fine. Except that my platelets were 54. My oncologist told them that was completely normal for me. Yeah right: a few weeks before that, with no chemo in between, they were 180. I knew they had to be low because of the long lasting nose bleeds I’d been having every few days for the past week.

They tried to get me to come in the next day for Avastin, an anti-angiogenetic cancer drug “with no side effects”, but I declined. My symptoms continued, and three days later, my platelets were 21, with my white blood cells also dropping in half to 2.2.  My oncologist agreed I had a toxicity issue. I knew something was wrong, but we tried to return home. The only thing that had been making me feel better was hourly vegetable juice and coffee enemas (liver detoxification) every two hours, so I continued this even while heading home (don’t ask).

While climbing in elevation after St. George, UT my head felt like it was about to pop from the pressure so we backed down the interstate to an exit and returned to Nevada. After a few more days of  electric shock-like feelings in the brain, very little sleep, major nose bleeds, and other crazy symptoms, my father flew out to help Logan with the juicing, enemas, and schizophrenic/manic depressive behaviors (as evidenced by my appearance below!).

I couldn’t handle much more, so we cut my seizure meds. My crazy symptoms all stopped, but I had a  major seizure after a few days of feeling normal. It was seriously scary stuff. The next day, we finally made it back home, despite a minor car  break-down that my father once again rescued us on. I don’t remember much because of the seizure. I’ve resumed  all my anti-seizure meds, and many of my symptoms have returned.

I still don’t even know exactly what happened over the last few weeks, but I have a pretty good idea. All I know is that its been super scary and completely insane: people talking in my head, crazy tastes in my mouth, weird “color-light visions” combined with racing pulse, and other stuff you don’t want to know about.

It’s funny to me how quickly I forget to praise God for the blessings I receive in life. Cancer has been my biggest concern for the past 3 years, and now that God has answered my exact prayer, I’m so quick to focus on my next problem and forget the latest blessing. My exact prayer was a clear-of-cancer biofeedback test+a stable MRI to confirm this, and now that God’s given me this first step in the healing process, I forget about it when extreme challenges are thrown my way.

Fortunately, God has an incredible way of meeting our needs in ways we’d never expect. I discovered about three months ago on a Saturday afternoon when I felt like I should do something for someone else. I figured I’d be doing something for God by becoming a pen-pal with a prisoner.  There were 5 new prisoner profiles that day. I randomly picked one of them to correspond with.

In his first letter Kyle said he’d written an article for a Christian teen magazine and asked if I’d like to read it. I said yes, and he sent it to me. I received his second letter the day I returned from Las Vegas and was shocked to see an Insight magazine enclosed, a Seventh-day Adventist publication. The words of his letter touched my heart as he spoke of how worry and doubt had been troubling him and how our connection had meant so much to him. Now what are the chances of me finding some guy who’s been locked up for over 30 years in MD being of the same faith as myself and actually giving me words of hope and encouragement??! He sends me laminated bible texts about worry!

Kyle has no idea what our connection has meant to me! Or how worry and doubt has been gripping my life! And two days after I returned from Vegas his mother found my blog and shared the text at the top of this post with me!  Here are her words:

When I know that  that God is in control of my life, I do not give in to panic.  I do not begin thinking that life is out of control, and I do not despair when I am confused about what is going on.  I know that every situation is under the careful administration of the King of Kings.

I’ve never met either of these people or told them anything about my new neurological (insanity) difficulties, and Kyle (the prisoner) has never even seen the internet. He had to type out his profile and turn it in to

I’ve freaked out a thousand times over the last few weeks but God has humbled me yet again and shown He is in control, whether I’m sane or not.


6 Responses to “Insane Control….”

  1. Esther Yepez Says:

    Its so amazing to know that you still have the strenght to share God’s word, when the ones that are in complete health don’t and we take forgranted what God is giving us every day. And we make our troubles as if it was the end of the world.
    I will be praying for you and you family and I ask that you do the same. I have two little ones and Me and my husband are trying to lifth up a ministry here in South Georgia.
    May God keep giving you the strenght that you need to keep sharing with others his word.

  2. Murrell Tull Says:

    Good to hear from you again Daniel. I know that the last few weeks have been tough on you and your family, yet your faith, as well as your parents faith inspires me and those around the world. Stay strong….I truly believe that miracles are happening in your life!

  3. Jeffrey Harper Says:

    I was talking to Heather Thames today and she said, “Man, your brother is such an inspiration.” I concur:) I love you bro and I know God is working.

  4. Pamela Wilferd Says:

    Know that days are difficult at times but you are never alone. God and his Angels are with you. We do not understand what and why things happen in our lives, but know and beieve that God is there when we need him most. Remember we are here for you at anytime. Hugs to you and Logan today and everyday. Loving you from afar! Pam, Terry and Ryan

  5. Daniel,
    Brother, I am praying for you, as always–but am so thankful that God has got your back…AND that you recognize it. As always, God is (and will continue to) pulling good from the bad. And he’s answering our prayers in ways that we don’t even think about. What a powerful witness to the goodness of a powerful God. And I believe your sanity will be restored as well.

    My heart aches for you and Logan…just know that I love you both and will continue to pray for your full restoration to health.

    Blessings and Love,
    Pastor Don

  6. Hi Daniel,
    Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you, Logan, and your family…I’m pulling for you, praying for you, and hoping you are feeling better and stronger today. Wishing you peace and return to something that feels more “normal” to you. By the way, I’m wondering “what is ‘normal’ anyway” (lol)? If you figure that out, let me know. 🙂

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