A sincere impact…

I worry. A lot. Its a problem. Fear digs deep, because the devil knows my weakness. The last three months been some of the hardest of my life, even though I’ve had some of the best news a cancer patient could possibly receive: a shrinking-tumor MRI. However, seizures, intense pressure, and strange feelings in my head, combined with a fear of the unknown have a way of totally destroying any good God has brought about in my life.

I really am my own worst enemy, and if you think NBC instead of LIT when I say that then you’re from a new generation. One day I’ll be on cloud nine, looking down over the tip of my tumor iceberg, just KNOWING I’ve got it beat.  The next, I might feel some new headache, and I’m instantly planning out my next surgery. It’s quite pathetic, really, and rather damaging to my health. As soon as I’m back to  KNOWING I’ve got it beat I start worrying about what I’m going to do to make money once I can get back to work.

Fortunately I recognize my damaged state, which allows me to suck down bible promises and the words of inspired Christian writers on prayer and God’s provisions. And the more I can get down, the more my worry subsides. This usually results in some sort of amazing blessing occurring in my life. I can only figure this is somehow based off of the advice of James 1:6-7: “But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord;

I had been doing some extra worrying lately, due to my dangerously low white blood cell count. My WBCs dropped from 2.5 to 1.5 in a 3-week period, leaving my neutrophils dangling at 0.3. Not good. And not safe for chemo or even living life because of bacterial infection risk.

This was a problem because my I couldn’t continue my chemotherapy until they came up. As always, my oncologist initially blamed these low blood counts not on her cytotoxic meds, but on my natural homeopathics. Go figure. However, I could honestly tell her I wasn’t taking any homeopathics when my counts went down, so she decided it was the change in my anti-seizure med, lamictal. Latching on to this idea, she had me ween off it and start another.

Highly doubting lamictal was the cause, I asked my natural cancer specialist what homeopathic injections we could use to boost my counts. He gave me a list  and we found them online. In a week and a half, I was still on lamictal, but completed two homeopathic injections, and my counts shot up to 3.7 (wbcs) and 2 (neutrophils)!!!!

I can’t wait to see the look on her face! I’ll see my Oncologist tomorrow.  I figured Valentines Day would be the perfect day to publish a post about revenge. She’ll laugh it off, actually.  She’s fantastic, for the most part. Although she knows nothing  about my fear and anxiety, she just fears for physical safety.  She recommended life alert for me. I shopped around a bit and in  AARP recommended Senior Safety as a great buy, so I might roll with them, because I always follow the advice of my oncologist. I oftentimes smile at some of the well-meant comments I receive  in regards this this blog, http://christianpoints.com. When I read some of the encouragements and complements, I think to myself If only you knew how weak and timid my faith really is. If only you’d witnessed my intense shaking in fear last night before I almost had that seizure… However, having an impact on the outside world means a lot when you are stuck at home all day trying to get better. Although sometimes I long for physical impact again; It seems like there is only so much words from a keyboard can do, which is why I’m thankful for ICOR.

Inner City OutReach is a ministry of the Wasatch Hills Seventh-Day Adventist Church. During the cold winter months, we pass out new and used clothing to the many homeless people of downtown Salt Lake City. We have become quite popular with the homeless and will sometimes attract crowds of up to 120 people. When possible, we make sack lunches for  them, too. Last month, Logan and I made the lunches and we could not this last weekend. Thursday evening, 2/10, we were commenting on the pity it was that there was no one to make lunches for our coming ICOR afternoon on 2/12. 

As I was spending time with God on Friday morning, 2/11, I was reading a compilation on prayer by inspired Christian writer, Ellen White. Her proposal to pray with more boldness and sincerity struck me with conviction. She talked about Jesus Christ in the throne room of God the Father, presenting our requests before Him. I was mortified as I thought about how often my prayers are nothing more than mumblings in my head, constantly drifting away into distractions.

So I decided to change. To do something different. I sat on our couch all alone, and I prayed out loud, which I have only recently begun to do, and is still slightly ackward. I imagined that the God of the entire universe was sitting in the room with me: a friend ready to help, and accomplish His will on earth. I prayed for many things, including physical healing, family/friends, and the ministry of our church, which has become very important to me.

Before I finished, I heard a beep on my computer, indicating a facebook message from my wife. I finished my prayer and went to read it: “The craziest thing just happened, you’ll never believe it!””What happened?” “I just got an e-mail from Emily. She said she and Colby were thinking about making sack lunches to give to homeless people tomorrow, and wanted to know if we’d help them!” “No way…”

You have to understand that Emily and Colby don’t really go to our church. They have been before, but they’ve never even heard of ICOR, and they had no idea we were going out the next day.  And while I can’t say whether or not my prayer had anything to do with the Holy Spirit’s amazing timing, I can say that I’ll be praying with more sincerity and boldness from here on out. And I wish I could see the look on the devil’s face every time a sincere pray gives me the strength to overcome my just another day of worry. Because overcoming just one more day of fear means having an opportunity to impact one more person’s life. I am already well aware that I violate many copyright laws with the graphics I use in my blogs, but I’m now adding a new copyright infringement: I’ve been so blessed by Ellen White’s compilation on prayer, that I will be adding a new section of this book each week to my life resources page. Click on the link on the front page of this site each week to read the next section, and click here to get started.

 

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3 Responses to “A sincere impact…”

  1. allison harper Says:

    Thanks Daniel… just what your old mom needed this morning!!

  2. Christina Chau Says:

    It’s not only strength that makes you inspiring, Daniel. It’s also your honesty, openness, and transparency. Just acknowledging the fact that your faith is weak makes you strong. You are also very entertaining to read =)

    • Lynda Butman Says:

      Daniel, I ran across your story in the Cumberlite and was drawn to hear more so came to this site to follow your story. I SO agree with Christina. Thank you for sharing, for being open and vulnerably because in your weakness you are truly an inspiration and strength. Holding you up in prayer!

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