Anxious for Saturday…

Good morning, great to see you! How are you?!?” “We’re great, thanks!How’s everything coming?” “It’s good, God continues to take care of us, and we’re hanging in there!

I have yet to figure out if its divine or simply ironic that just about every Saturday over the last year I’ve felt better than I did during the week.  Whether it’s two days after brain surgery or a major seizure that left me unconscious, I’ve managed to put on a smile and show up at church on Sabbath

When I’m asked at church how I’m doing, I pretend the question only applies to the day, and not my previous week; that way my response is honest. They wouldn’t know what to say if I replied, “Actually, well over half of my week was completely filled with anxiety, worry, and fear. On Monday I found out I have severe nuetropenia, so I can’t do my chemo round and I’m at high risk of a bacterial infection. Please don’t touch me. Tuesday I freaked out over the enormous financial burden that cancer makes impossible to catch up with. Wednesday I had a seizure while home alone. Thursday I spent most of the afternoon with my head under a blanket to avoid a repeat from Wednesday.  But today I’m great! How was your week?”

This is ironic to me. Most of my church family would probably agree, but fortunately they see me at church every week, so none of them feel the need to read my blog. I’m also still trying to figure out whether its divine or simply ironic that every time I start grumbling about my life I’m reminded that others have it so much worse. Like a good friend my age who’s marriage is falling apart. Love is heavier than fear and divorce is scarier than death.

You might think your life sucks because you have no job or your cat died, welcome to mine. I sometimes think my life sucks because of blah, blah, blah, welcome to Caitlin’s. A year younger than me, she’s been in the hospital for two weeks, after coughing up blood from an unknown esophagus  cancer. And I’m sure she doesn’t think her life is as bad as the 500 people who have committed physician-assisted suicide since 1994 in the state of Oregon after diagnosed as having six months or less to live.

Or perhaps my 7th day serenity and friendly reminders are not just ironic. Maybe they’re more. I can suggest this confidently because I am now writing on Sunday afternoon; I began this post on Friday. Last Saturday to date marked the one year anniversary of my re-occurrence battle, and it was just as complication-free as the day in the middle of this post. The day that has got me leaning towards divine instead of ironic.

Could be happenstance, but Thursday evening I recall lying in bed wondering if my radiologist was wrong when he said my tumor is shrinking. I recall sweating in my sheets at the thought of a fourth brain surgery. Friday evening I lay in bed wondering how I could feel so normal.

Perhaps George Mueller was right when he said “The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety.The beginning of my understanding just how truly blessed I am compared to some is usually what ends my anxiety. And that understanding seems to dawn on only the darkest nights.  It only pops up when I forget about it, which I can’t explain away with irony.

And the beginning of the Sabbath is usually the end of my anxiety. Perhaps the fourth commandment really is still in existence. And perhaps the Son of Man who is Lord of the Sabbath can still heal a shriveled hand, brain, or lack of faith.

Mathew 12:8-12:For the Son of Man is Lord of the Sabbath. Going on from that place, He went into their synagogue, and a man with a shriveled hand was there. Looking for a reason to accuse Jesus, they asked him, ‘Is it lawful to heal on the Sabbath?’ He said to them, ‘If any of you has a sheep and it falls into a pit on the Sabbath, will you not take hold of it and lift it out? How much more valuable is a man than a sheep! Therefore it is lawful to do good on the Sabbath.”


13 Responses to “Anxious for Saturday…”

  1. Christina C Says:

    Your blog reminds me of the quote to be kind to everyone because everyone is going through some sort of struggle. It also reminds me that I should never complain, because there is always someone going through something much harder than I. Thank you for reminding us of this. You continue to be an inspiration for us to live better and glorify God more.

  2. Amazing. Daniel, each post is stronger than the last – and that says a lot because they are all strong. Thank you again for sharing your experience and being a man of God. We’re always praying for you and Logan. May God bless you both.

  3. I am praying for you and Logan every day.

  4. Daniel/Logan,
    Just wanted you to know that Dave celebrated his 11th anniversary since his bone marrow transplant last Tuesday, on Jan. 25. God is in the business of answering prayers. I can sooooo relate to what you are expressing in this most recent blog. Dave spent 35 days in the hospital and someone was always worse off than him.
    Thank the Lord for each day you have breath!!!
    Look to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith~ Love, Jane 🙂

  5. Carl Anderson Says:

    Daniel, You indeed are God’s messenger. The Sabbath was surely made for us and our Saviour sees all. We continue to pray daily for you as we pray for our son Michael. Love for you and Logan. Carl and Debbie A.

  6. Jonathan Harper Says:

    Bro, your blogs are always powerful, but this one really struck a chord. Thanks a ton! Praying for you!

  7. Alex Brady Says:

    I was going through a pretty rough time with a friend when i saw a link to this new post on Facebook. I have to say, it was a very humbling experience, it made my problem seem so small and insignificant. It made me realize how blessed I really am. But it also reminded me how amazing it is that God cares about our big problems in life just as much as our little tiny ones. They’re all important to Him. Thanks for the post. Praying that you will find daily peace and assurance.

  8. Ross Magi Says:

    Daniel, there are some of us at church who keep up with your blog. 🙂 You’re an inspiration to me, and you’re in my prayers regularly.

  9. I don’t know you but I have to say, this was really inspiring and just what I needed this morning. Thanks. I pray you’ll enjoy many more restful Sabbaths and hopefully some better days in between. 🙂

  10. Joanne Harper Says:

    I too feel better after the Sabbath. When I was inactive my Mom would write me in her weekly letter that the Sabbath got her through the week & I would roll my eyes and say “yeah, yeah”. Can I just say I am glad that I am no longer young & know it all? I am so grateful for the sabbath so that I can shut out the world for a time and fill my spirit up with doing the Lords work. 🙂 We continue to keep you & Logan in our thoughts & prayers. I hope that you keep your blogs for posterity as well as writing down your life history for your neices & nephews to come. Love Aunt Joanne

  11. Virginia Mattson Says:

    Beautiful blog, Daniel. I continue frequent prayers for you. I believe your tumors will continiue to shrink and your whole body will be free of the cancer/fungal/whatever doesn’t belong.

  12. Murrell Tull Says:

    Love the green bass Logan… 🙂 nothing fills my soul like music…I hope both of you are having a better week than last…you are both in my prayers….bring the bass in may..our church could use a good down beat 🙂

  13. I always enjoy reading your blog. When did Logan start playing bass? It was good to talk to you Friday night. Love you both heaps and are praying for you constantly. Praise the Lord for Sabbath blessings of peace. He knew we all needed the Sabbath, and it is so neat that He is blessing you with anxiety free Sabbaths.

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