Quitting or Sitting?…

I wish I could say that my drug overdose  on valuim, lorazepam, and lamotrigine last Tuesday night was recreational. A poor choice, nothing more. I wish I could say that the screaming, flailing arms, and eyes rolled back in my head were because of an amazing party my wife and I attended. A wild and inappropriate one, but nothing more.

I’d love to tell you that I’ve felt more fear, maybe in a haunted house or something, than I did when the unexpected twitching began in my arms and hands. That the electricity going out in our condo was worse than my wife’s screams in the darkness for God to stop the violent convulsions my twitching had progressed to.  And I wish I could tell you I haven’t been living in fear since that horrendous seizure Tuesday night. That my experiential trust in God has kept terror from burning my candle at both ends.

I couldn’t help but notice the similarities between my predicament and that of the demon-possessed boy in Mark 9: “It seizes him….he’s robbed of speech, his mouth becomes rigid, he falls to the ground and rolls around…” I also couldn’t help but wonder what kind of access pass these evil spirits are granted while stuck on this nasty planet.

I CAN tell you that while I was super frustrated with 1 Corinthians 10:13 last week, I’m not about to quit trusting in the One who wrote it.  there’s just some things you can’t quit. But you see, my problem is that I am a quitter.If I wasn’t a quitter, I’d be a professional mountainboarder or snowboarder, a trumpet player, a millionaire from Foreign Exchange Trading a retired network marketing proffessional, in a rock band signed by a record-label, I’d have all that stuff cleaned out of our cars’ trunk, and I’d have finished more than three Lord of the Rings marathons.

If I weren’t a quitter, I’d have the patience to pass on all those e-mail forwards I get about impatience.Or the ones with the funny animal pictures that you laugh at but never send on:By the way, 1 Corinthians 10:13 says this: “And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.” My frustration stemmed from the fact that obviously God feels I can handle these seizures, but I’m scared because  they don’t seem to be quitting.

Really, we are all quitters. Society teaches us to move on if it ain’t easy. For example, fast food satisfies our taste and hunger needs, but not our nutritional ones. It takes too much time and work to cook a healthy meal at home. We’re all about the quick cure.

Every doctor knows that a flu or cold is simply our body’s way of eliminating a virus or toxin. Yet, we are unwilling to take the time to get over it, so we take medicines and antibiotics to block the symptoms and stop the cleansing process. Suppressing our immune system’s response simply drives the disease deeper into the body.

Before the discovery of my disease diagnosis, I wasn’t quite as adept at knowing which things in my life were worth quitting, and what was worth hanging on to. I quit the ‘Fight of Faith’ and hung onto myself and my wife. It takes a lot more work learning to trust someone you can’t see than someone you can.

Besides, I was still giving God lip service, which seemed sufficient.

These people come near me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men.” Isaiah 29:13. By the way, the ‘Fight of Faith’ is the effort to become better acquainted with Jesus day by day. This was before I’d ever heard about the Click of Conversion or the 3-legged stool. A pastor friend describes the Click of Conversion as the “new birth” or the point at which the light switches on and we “get it.” Salvation takes on a new meaning and spending time with Christ is no longer drudgery.

Sure, it still takes effort, but so does finding the remote every time you lose it. I’m consistently amazed at how often my wife loses her beloved remote in our 850 square foot dwelling place. I’m even more amazed at how much time she’ll spend looking for it  instead of just walking over to the TV and changing the channel.

When I grew up we didn’t need a remote because our only TV was 11 inches and screwed in to the wooden paneling inside our Chevy shaggin-wagon. You sat so close that the clicker below the screen was only an arms-length away.

The 3-legged stool is what it takes to get to the Click of Conversion. Meaningful (1) bible study, (2) prayer, (3) and sharing of (1) and (2). Without any one of it’s legs, a stool falls apart. For some, the Click happens right away, others need to spend more time  on the stool, and staying on it is imperative. My remote Clicked the first time I got cancer, but I didn’t stay on my stool so my batteries wore out.

The stool is a recipe for the Bread of Life, with instructions anyone can follow: Time alone at the beginning of each day in contemplation of the life of Christ through his word and through prayer (1, 2). And a recipe to make fresh bread is no less vital than an outlet is to keep a pond fresh. A pond without an outlet becomes stagnant (3).

I wish I could say I’ve spent enough time on my stool to keep my fears under control and my terror at bay. I wish I could tell you I never burn the bread or forget to let the water out of the dam. I CAN tell you, however, that while I do get super frustrated with my predicament at times, I’m not about to quit spending time sittin’ on my stool.“Then Jesus declared, I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungbty, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.” –John 6:35

“Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from him.” -John 7:38


6 Responses to “Quitting or Sitting?…”

  1. Elizabeth Says:

    Thank you for the reminder to stay close to Jesus every day!!!

  2. allison harper Says:

    Good morning Daniel! EXCELLENT blog. (as usual!)Thanks for honest sharing and lessons being learned. The analogy of the stool is great! Praying for deliverance from your seizures, as well as the accompanying fear. Love you….mom

  3. Jeffrey Harper Says:

    Man, I too am guilty of trying to balance life on a two or one legged stool or sometimes no legs! Thanks for the reminder Dan. Praying for you heaps man.

  4. Once again you’ve cut through the rhetoric and spoken to the heart. We continue to lift you up in prayer and will add our prayers to that of your mom for deliverance from seizures as well as from the fear. Keep fighting the fight of faith, brother. Love ya, man.

  5. Todd Hunt Says:

    Hey Daniel,

    There are so many good times I have had with your family–I am blessed to know you guys. The words that come to my mind are “neither this man or his parents have sinned, but that the Glory of God may be revealed” YOU are the strong one, because it is happening to you. Thank you for reminding us not to quit. I am asking God’s Glory to be revealed in you and your family….and in us all.

  6. […] isn’t hard: it’s simply a relationship with Christ. I stole an illustration for this blog, (Quitting or Sitting…) that sums the simplicity up quite nicely, if I can say so myself. Feel free to check it […]

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