Don’t get sold…

We’ve all been sold. Last week I tried to sell myself that I was totally fine despite the “seizurish” feelings I had on Tues., Wed., and Fri. after taking 3 jarring falls skateboarding on Monday. I didn’t succeed in convincing myself on this one past Friday evening, after I unintentionally inflicted a bit of physical damage on myself and my wife’s emotional state through a seizure I had.

(rugburns from convulsing on the carpet)

I can’t describe a conscious seizure as anything other than the scariest thing I suppose I’ll ever have to experience in life. It all started off with one of those “seizurish feelings”, called an aura. I’ve had over 10 seizures, with most of them being fairly small and harmless, and almost all of them were preceeded by an aura. Sometimes I’ll have an aura and no seizure, but last Friday was not one of those lucky times.

I immediately sat down on the ground, and asked my wife, Logan, to rub my neck, in hopes that this feeling would go away. It got stronger, and one of the wrist tendons going to my left thumb began to twitch spasmodically. Soon my left hand’s fingers began to curl inward against my will which was incredibly terrifying, but nothing compared to what came next. A rush of feeling rocketed upwards to my head as I felt my throat gasping for air and my back arching backwards uncontrollably. I felt my head pounding itself into the floor while my arms and legs flailed and I sucked for air.

I remember trying to pull my pants down as a signal for Logan to use the Diastat  (a plastic syringe with valium in it for insertion in the rectum during a seizure). I also tried to yell, but instead of hearing my own voice or seeing my hands respond all I could hear was my wife screaming in terror, “DANIEL! PLEASE, PLEASE DON’T GO INTO THIS. PLEASE GOD! HELP US!”.

After I blacked out, Logan apparrantly used this life-saving device, something I’ve carried with me for years but never had to use, and I came to a few minutes later.

I debated over writing this post today or tomorrow, as I currently have no idea what the cause of this seizure was. I hope and pray that it was due to some sort of post-surgical brain trauma caused by my foolish skateboarding endeavour last Monday, up until which, I’d been feeling perfectly normal. However, the reality of my past history with this beast of a cancer tells me otherwise. I will know come Tuesday afternoon thanks to my trip to Las Vegas for an MRI and my Avastin infusion. If my fears are confirmed, I’m on to treatment plan #2 I suppose.

There are plenty of things we’ve all been sold on, allow me to share a few:

Some of you might be some of the 7.3 million viewers who saw this 3.5 minute video on youtube showcasing the new sport of liquid mountaineering. And I know some of you had to believe this viral marketing tool for Hi-Tech shoes, because I saw the water clip on a “humans are amazing” video someone posted on facebook. I would argue the opposite. Humans are kinda dumb. Add a cool European backdrop, some athletic European men in wetsuits, a Rage Against the Machine song to get you pumped up, and even I can believe that running on water is possible! Yeah, not really. Watch how they made the video here.

Of slightly more importance than some dudes running on platforms hidden underneath water, is the story told in this book I’m reading:

I first came to believe in the dangers of cellphone radiation after Logan’s grandmother shared a  dream with her on June 20, 2007, two days before June 22 when I got a CT scan revealing my brain tumor. In this dream, her grandmother said that God had told her to warn me about all the time I was spending on my cellphone because of brain tumors! Logan wrote it off as nonsense, and never mentioned the dream to me until after I got the scan! I’ve told countless people about this dream, including my own family members, and I can think of less than  five people I know who have made using a headset or speakerphone a way of life.

This is probably the best example of how easily we are all sold. I can sit here and quote studies from Dr. Davis’s book about how cellphone radio frequencies destroys DNA and breaks down the blood-brain barrier, and how industry has done everything in its power to cover this up, but how many of you will actually go out and get a headset because of one book or some 25 year old’s stupid blog?!? We don’t seem to embrace change very easily unless it is forced upon us or it comes from the source itself. What cellphone company is going to tell you that their gold-mine could be giving you problems!!!!  Don’t take my word for it, read the studies yourself!

Another great example of being sold is the influence the pharmaceutical industry has over modern medicine today. Even if your doctor told you that it were possible to solve your problems through intense diet changes, herbal cleanses, or exercise, how many of us would actually implement them??? A good friend of ours is an epilepsy neurologist, and she mentioned she can’t even get her worst-off patients to quit drinking a liter of soda a day! They don’t even listen to her! Without medicine I’d have been dead a long time ago, so don’t think I’m trying to single it out, just making a point on how easily we are all sold on the Big Pharma TV ads/Doctor’s advice.

Despite all the fear, pain, and trauma that having the deadliest form of brain cancer has caused myself, my family, and my wife, I still cannot say I wish it had never happened to me.  However, I do wish it had never affected them, especially my wife. It broke my heart to hear her scream my name in fear while I faded into unconsciousness last Friday night. Or when I asked her why she was looking at my brother’s fiance’s sister’s facebook pictures yesterday (who my wife doesn’t even know) , and she said “I like to look at pictures of people who have normal and happy lives.” She quickly retracted her statement to just include the word normal, but her point had already been made.

Let me unpack my previous statement, because in no way has it been a fun journey dealing with all the stuff that comes along with brain cancer. Logan says she hates it when I say this, and I don’t blame her (going through something yourself is much easier than watching a loved one go through it). It’s simply that before cancer I, like many of you, was sold. I was sold on living life for reasons other than what REALLY, TRULY matter. Stop reading this and ask yourself a question,

Do you believe in God?”

If so, then you must believe in eternity, in a life outside of our short-lived ones here on earth. And if that is the case, why aren’t we focused on that one? Why aren’t we focused on preparing ourselves for that much more significant portion of our lives and on sharing the truth of how to get there with those who don’t know?

Before I got cancer, I was most definitely sold; I was sold on myself; on thinking that my little life was all-encompassing and important, and that making money and living the “American Dream” was the key to happiness. Sure, I knew all about God, but I had plenty of time to start serving Him later in life, after all I was in my twenties! Fortunately, I was woken up to the reality of how short life this life is, whether its from cancer, dying in a car crash tomorrow, or living to the “ripe old age of 95.” What is 95 when compared to 1,000,095? I’ll tell you what it is.

It’s the lie. 95 is the lie. A focus on ourselves and this life is the lie. And please just take my word for it, it’ll be a lot easier than going through what I’ve been through to come to that conclusion.

Because the more stuff that happens to me, the more I can’t help but thinking about

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11 Responses to “Don’t get sold…”

  1. Dude, I read this and you humble me in so many ways. But I have to be honest…I also get angry. It is such an unfair thing for you and Logan to have to experience this cancer ordeal. My thoughts, my heart, my prayers go out for you both for the blessing that must come in the end.

    Your Friend,
    Bryan

  2. Rock Solid Dude. I hate that you are having to go through this–but I’m so glad that you are able to see Jesus in it all. What a testimony. No matter what you may believe, God is using you and Logan to touch many more lives than I will ever be able to touch. Blessings and Love…and always lots of prayer for the two of you. Pastor Don

    (And, for the record, I have been using a bluetooth headset for about 5 years now.)

  3. Daniel & Logan,

    You both are the strongest & faithful people I’ve ever meet. Continue to believe that He’s in control. Blessings & prayers for both of you!

  4. Dustin Billington Says:

    Daniel-
    I was blessed by your post- definitely powerful. It is weird, no scary how easily Satan deceives us to believe that lie. You and Logan will be in my prayers. We are all fighting a battle here on earth, its seems you through the cancer have a clear picture, which is a blessing in disguise. Prayers for strength for you both-

  5. Ashley Compton Says:

    Daniel – thanks for sharing a piece of your life right now and what God is teaching you through your circumstances. Logan – you are one of the strongest girls I know… Daniel is lucky to have you! Many prayers have been going up to God for the two of you. Ashley

  6. Daniel

    You are an amazing person. Your insight into who God is and where our focus shoud be are a wake up call to my way of life. Thank you for sharing your testimony, a big hug to you and Logan, may the Lord’s prescence be with you both during this journey. May He protect and hold you both in the palm of His hands.

  7. Holly Thompson Says:

    I was touched by your words and will keep you and your family in my prayers. (I am Tyler’s aunt)

  8. claire mcginn Says:

    Hi Daniel,
    This is your uncle Steve’s fiancee – I am inspired and moved by your peace and wisdom. I pray for you, Logan, and the family during this very emotional and challenging journey. I feel great emotion as I read your words and would like to thank you for your strength -it offers an odd peace. My prayers are with you. I am sorry for your pain and suffering. God bless you. Peace,
    Claire Mcginn

  9. Brian Tirado Says:

    Amazing post.

  10. Jay Thompson Says:

    I’m Holly’s husband and Tyler’s uncle. I too was touched by your post. You and Logan are unbelievably strong. I’m sorry for your pain and will keep you both in my prayers. God Bless. Jay

  11. Adrienne Vernon Suarez Says:

    Thanks for sharing, Daniel. I can’t even imagine how scary this whole experience has been for both of you. I want you and Logan to know that we’re praying for you both.
    (And glad to hear you’re using a headset. You and my dad, also a cancer survivor, are the only ones I know so convinced of the cell phone/cancer relation. I’ve actually purchased a headset recently and have been trying to remember to use it…)

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