Sliding through snow and screwed up seizures…

4:00 AM and it looks super appealing outside:

Now don’t get me wrong, I love the snow. That is one of the main reasons we live in Park City, its just not as much fun when you’ve been enjoying the 60 degree sunshine for a week or two. However, we did take advantage of some end-of-season fun at Brighton yesterday.So its not like I’m against the snow or anything. Its just not that cool when you have to deal with it on May 2 at 5:00 A.M. And not that cool if you have to drive the interstate up to the summit and down through a canyon with dim lights and 1 windshield wiper. And not that cool if you are trying to rush to catch a flight. But as long as you make it, you can put the fear and frustration behind you and everything is fine, right? Some people are afraid of getting on planes, but its comforting to know that, statistically, you have a much higher chance of dying on the way to the airport than aboard the actual plane!

I called Logan’s grandmother after the flight to let her know we made it safely, and thought about sharing this fact with her, but I thought better of it when I realized we where driving another two hours and I’m sure the same fact applies for driving away from the airport. Close call. She worries about the rain storms. So its a good thing I didn’t tell her about what really happened up at Brighton yesterday…

Okay, enough with the lame jokes. I’ll admit I was fairly worried this morning while aggressively speeding down a snow-covered canyon, but I’ve gotten pretty good at suppressing my fears in front of my wife and family. However, certain fears seem to have an easier time reminding me of their presence. Cancer brings its share of fears, but death isn’t something I normally fear. I am confident in God’s return for those who accept Him, and Heaven sounds a heck of a lot better than this screwed up planet we’re on now.

Despite this, seizures are something that scare me greatly. The last seizure I had was in the middle of March, before surgery, and it was the worst conscious seizure I’ve ever had. The feeling of paralysis that quickly overcame my face and throat left me struggling to breath, talk, stand up, and be in control of myself.The memory of this incident and leftover “neuro-electrical shocks” (I just made that word up!) left me shaking in fear on the kitchen floor for much of that evening. Even though the tumor, which caused the seizures, has long since been removed, I still find myself scared of having another. It’s only by telling myself I don’t need to be in control that I can get through these moments. I’m slowly learning that if I let God be in control, I’ll make it through anything that is thrown my way.

Fortunately for me and all of you, the bible is chalk-full of promises that can give us courage.

Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy31:6

“The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made. The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down.” Psalms 145:14

I do recognize that because God gave us freedom of choice we live in a screwed up world. However, I also recognize that He is the one who created it, and there are too many signs showing His love for its inhabitants to not trust Him to be in control of our lives and live without fear.


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