Trust…

Before reading this post, please visit my facebook page to watch a 50 second clip on Trust.

Trust on Facebook

Just over two weeks ago, I lay on a table in the surgery-preparation room. My wife sat next to me, holding my hand, and holding my hospital gown down to keep the drafty room from revealing myself to the obviously worried girl that was crying in her bed across from me (no boxers allowed in the Operating Room-probably cuz of the catheter).

My neurosurgeon was two hours late, which I thought to be a good sign; he was probably spending extra time on his first surgery. Maybe he would do the same for me. As I had requested, I had the MRI taken that morning displayed on a monitor next to me. I was hoping that the mass and swelling I had grown so familiar to see had magically disappeared. This was not to be. In fact, it almost looked worse.

The first two are pics from an MRI taken March 4, and the third is from October, 2009

This last pic is what my brain should look like, just an empty cavity from where the tumor was…The second to last picture is clipart….hey, it looked cool!

Finally, Dr. Seiff came into the room. He said hello explained what he’d be doing.I heard something about a scalpel and pulling my skin back from my skull. I was quite reassured when he told me there aren’t any pain receptors in the brain or skull, so the anesthesia is mainly for the skin. Fortunately my tumor was on in the right frontal lobe, so no awake craniotomy for me!

I really had to let go of myself, and submit my fears to God. While this whole process was easier when compared to the first surgery I had in 2007, it still comes with its uncertainties, fears, and worries. Would I come out retarded? Would I still be able to walk? Or would I be like the a little girl I knew who came out and couldn’t talk for three months? Would I come out speaking French?

*Dr. Seiff said I didn’t come out knowing French because we forgot to order this from him beforehand – thanks a lot Logan!


I’ve been reading this great book called “A Life To Die For.”  It’s all about letting go of self and exchanging it for a life controlled by Jesus. It has been helping me deal with situations around me, and it has hopefully helped me become a little less selfish (something I’ve struggled with my whole life). The middle of the book gets a bit slow, but otherwise its a great read!

Paul talked about this in Galatians when he wrote “Our sinful selves want what is against the Spirit, and the Spirit wants what is against our sinful selves. The two are against each other, so you cannot do what you please…” I don’t think Paul is telling us to avoid all pleasures, but that if there is anything you do that is more important than Christ, it needs to be evalutated.

As I am working with pastor Bernie Anderson to create Ignite! salt lake, I am constantly reminded of the need to let go of myself and Trust God to guide the process. I think that in order to fully Trust God or anyone in anything, we have to first quit trusting ourselves. I often think I have all the answers, which obviously isn’t true. I’d like to challenge that thinking and encourage everyone to let go of self. Trust God to guide your life. It’s a heck of lot easier. For sure.

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One Response to “Trust…”

  1. […] Trust… Have you been for France before? Parlez-vous du français? When was the last time you had brain surgery? Do you trust? Would you trust a French neurosurgeon? Hmmmm… I probably would. Do you trust anything you read online? Do you trust anything you read in blogs? Have you ever been tricked from something you read in a blog? Like phone popping kernels? What do any of these questions have to do with anything? Am I on weed? Are you on weed? I hope not. But its okay if you are. You should still read the full post HERE. […]

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